Recipes ✓
Juicer Clean and Ready ✓
Mental Toughness ✓
Ready to start the 1st day of the rest of my healthy life ✓
I wonder if there's always that excitement, anticipation, yet worry of failure before a military mission. That pretty much sums up what I'm feeling tonight. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any intention of failing or backing out because I can't hack it. It's more something external happening that prevents me from completing this. That's my worry and I said it and now I'm putting it out of my head. I am so ready for this. I am the only one who I can do this for. I can't do this for my daughter. I can't do it for my family. I can't do it for that cute sundress I'm going to get into. This is just for me. For once I am doing something just for me and it feels amazing. You know people say you can't ever quit anything if you don't want to and it's true. I couldn't and wouldn't quit smoking until I was just tired of all the bs associated with it. One day I saw and ad for Chantix and I asked my doctor and that was it. 3 years ago this last June. Oh I've had my bumps and puffs and Oh I've had the desire to grab a pack and smoke it all, but somewhere down I know I can't give myself that small inch to grab on to because I am a greedy bitch. One inch and I want the whole kit and caboodle. So I'm approaching this healthy lifestyle the same way. Yes I'll have my bumps, my licks, tastes, and a big fat ball of desire to eat something wickedly bad, but I can't give myself that inch because I will take it and run. I don't EVER want to be this way ever again. There's such a huge knot of shame and embarrassment in the pit of my stomach for how I look. I'm so excited to be thin again. There are so many inconveniences out there for overweight people. Flying, booths at restaurants, clothes, dating. God I will be so happy to date as a thin person again. Yes, that sounds awful. I always was taught that the person who loves you will love you no matter what, but that's like saying the prince will come and we will live happily ever after. It doesn't happen. You know that feeling of flying? Walking in the clouds? That's how I will be when I lose my weight. I'm going to twirl around in a circle and squeal like a little girl because I have let myself down and by doing this that weight will be released off my shoulder.
OCTOBER.....
October is the month of my best friend's wedding. I want to shock the hell out of him because he's never seen me thin. It's going to be great!!!!!!!!
So........ I think I got it all out before tomorrow. One word of advice if you are going to try this, confront all those feelings and get them all out. That way nothing is lurking down below that causes you to repeat the actions that got you into this in the first place.
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